I am Back!

And I am back to the place where I don't really belong--but I am trying to fit in...

I am back where the people around me are strangers...

I am back to the real world where its MEAN, HARSH, and down-right DIRTY...

I am...home?

Another Update

Just for update's sake. I am currently in a place where I spent sleepless nights tapping the keyboard keys, trying to come up with something that is really good; well, of course, good if we're talking about personal preferences here, but anyways, I am proud to say that I am home. Not for the benefit of being able to spend my days off wisely but just to unwind and think things over. 


Nope, I am not quitting my job; I am starting to like it--though at times it really stresses me out--but nevertheless, I am not bailing out on it just yet. I still have a lot of things to try out, so many things to explore in this industry and I am just starting out.

Anyways, why am I here? What am I supposed to talk about? Simple: NON-SENSE.As they say it, its BUSINESS AS USUAL. I am here to type down anything that would ever cross my mind. Currently, I am trying to figure out how this piece of gadget that they call the blackberry to actually work for me--and I am having a hard time doing it. Unfortunately, when I am supposed to tag along with me the CD that it came with as well as the software churva, I left it in Cebu somehow. Now, I am trying to download things off from the company's website an actually trying to make good use of the free stuff that you can knick off from there. 


While I am making this post, it makes me wonder; how can you actually fun that at the end of the day, you dont even seem to bother and do anything at all? You try to motivate yourself but you still end up with nothing...and why is that? Some people really do have the talent to enjoy themselves even if they are finding it hard to keep up? I dont have the slightest ideas about how their brain works but somehow, it amazes me to the point that I somewhat envy them for that particular reason. 


Back when I was jobless (LOLS), I used to think that material things would somehow make me happy for the fact that they are somewhat one of my biggest cravings in life; but then again, look at me now? Yes, I was finally able to buy the things that my father failed to give me; but still, what makes me happy is making other people happy. And now, I am wondering--is there someone out there who was born to do the same thing to me? *here we go again...*


(let's skip that part, it wasn't meant to be included in this post in the first place, sheesh!)


Anyways, I am trying--desperately, for all I care--trying to find out the true meaning of my existence here. Someone told me, for you to be able to find true happiness, you must seek for the Lord; He is the only one who knows what you are and what you are capable to do. Yes, I know that fact by heart--its just that I am not really the type of person who engages in conversations that are so holy I might just end up breaking a glass or two; but still, I end with nothing--nothing at all. My search doesn't even progress at all, not a single bit. 


So, if ever someone out there gets to read this post, please do give me some advices as to how to get started with this thing--Aian Gargantiel, I know you would be the first to comment on this post so please make your comment the best comment that you have ever thought of. :P


I really think that I should start another post...this one is getting way too senseless that even I no longer understand what is being said here. Sorry! :P

Just a Post to Update

I am not really sure as to what I would really write down on this blank page that I am staring at; its been quite a while that I haven't posted in this blog of mine--that when I come to a point and think about why I even put this one up in the first place, makes me forget of the past that I had way back when I was at home. 

Currently, I have been busy about a lot of stuff. As always, I keep thinking of the things that are far and beyond the world that I am currently in right now--a world filled with stress and everything else in between that brings it to life. But honestly, I am really not that busy, I just want it to make it sound so complicated that in reality, its not. Haha. I don't really know what to think of. I am technically out of bounds--I am clearly not myself anymore. I no longer have that sense of humor that I usually have, I am no longer the outgoing person, I am no longer that person who stays up late at night until the morning comes in front of the computer, thought I still face the computer until the morning but this time, trying to analyze how my customers mess their accounts up and how they spent their money bluntly that they come to a point that they mess everything up literally and they scream at us over the phone for the things that they themselves are the only person to blame. Isn't that stupid? But as my coach said, if not for their stupidity, then we wouldn't have this job that we all have right now. So, instead of sulking all day, cursing the heavens why callers are so stupid, I thank them instead because if not for their stupidity then I wouldn't be earning so much every 15 days. Haha. 

Damn! What else can I stay? For crying out loud, I technically miss the life I had back home--I miss everything back home. The people, the place, the food, the environment, everything. What makes it funny this time is that by Friday, I will be going back to the place that I deem where I truly belong--what makes it funny? Its not that I am going home, but its the fact that payday would come first before that day would come but I am more excited about going home and not about the money that I would be getting that I would eventually use to go back home and be with the people that are important to me. 

Ungh! I am going nowhere again in a post and I hate it. But somehow, I am relieved though that I was, again, able to share a little bit of the life that I am living right now and that is what's important. Nevertheless, I never don't really care about anything else--love, sex, money--they are not that important to me right now; What is important is for me now is to enjoy life that way I wanted it to be after getting what I wanted and that is the freedom that I wanted way back when my life was a mess. 

--> Until the next post...

Oh boy!

Its been a month since I havent posted and Oh, boy--I missed it a lot. Dang! Is it going to be this way the whole year round? I dont really think its going to be necessary. Just wait, I will soon make a comeback and this time, I am going to make sure that I would be able to share to the world the simplest thoughts that I have in my simply addicted brain. :P

I miss everyone... :'(

Waah!

Its been quite some time now since I last made a post in this effin' blog--and I really do want to apologize about that because for one thing, when I got here in Cebu, I never got the chance to somewhat have access to the internet and that somewhat hindered me very much to connect to my virtual world and that caused me to be lost--literally, into the real world.


but nevertheless, I am somewhat happy that I am somewhat disconnected to the virtual world that I am locked-up up because I got to see the real world and that I have realized something--and that is...being me! haha. I know, right?! 

Thought Sharing

I am somewhat excited about a couple of things as of the moment. First, I will be going home  Tomorrow. What does that mean? Well, I will be seeing my family after a month that I have been away from them. Another is that I will be able to see the city where I was born, where my legacy was established and whatever I am now was created; it's non-sense right?! 


haha. I just want to share the thought that I will be going home tomorrow and that is it. Waah! good bye Cebu for 2 days. I will be back in my hometown for the weekend; but I will be back though because work is here (in Cebu). Waah! I am excited--in one way or another. Dumaguete, see you very, very soon! ^_^


** Why I said weekend even though its still the middle of the week? Because it's my weekend, basing from my shift. haha. :P

Honesty

It has been a month now since I last set foot here on the soils of the Queen City of the South. I would have to be very honest enough though, because this is as far as my "solitary confinement" can go. 

I miss home. I miss everybody. I miss the life I had back there. 

Nevertheless, I am slowly adjusting to the place, the people and pretty much everything that I see and hear every single day that I am here. I am beginning to love the place but still, the feeling of being alone and away from home still clings on to me like a leech. 

There are times that the thought of travelling and making my home urges me most of the time when I end up waking up early and cant do anything but sit out and smoke while drinking my favorite beverage in the world, coffee. (do I really have to say that?! haha.)

Anyways, that's just it. I am such in a non-sense state right now. ungh! I hate it. 

My Valentines Message--to Everyone!

I know it has been quite a while since I last made a post here. I would have to admit, I love making posts here whenever I can but sadly, the situation that I am currently in is not allowing me to do so--being able to go live and be connected to my world. But nevertheless, I am here for one thing and one thing only and that is to share to you guys what I think--and probably feel--towards Valentines Day. 

Here is my message to everyone in love--partner or no partner:

Love has never been about the make-outs nor the foreplays; it has always been the mutual understanding between both parties, the acceptance of each other's faults and remaining humble towards each other. 

Its about showing the world that nothing can come between the bond that you both have for each other, getting back up when you fall and moving forward side by side--its about getting there together no matter what!

Love is pretty much unconditional; therefore, don't ever limit your understanding to the word as it is only an understatement when people say that love is all about being affectionate to your partner--and at the bottom of things, it can't even be considered a definition to a very complex and dynamic word. Nevertheless, always remember that Love can never be defined as to how many times you have satisfied your partners in bed but in satisfying them as they live their lives here on Earth and having you as the sole witness to it's never-ending growth as well as being the sole motivation and/or influence to its improvement... 

Lastly, I would like to extend my Valentines greeting to everyone in advance. May everyone be able to fulfill their duties and responsibilities to their partners, giving them something that is worth keeping more precious and valuable than Gold for the rest of their lives and may you never get tired of seeing your partners when you wake up in the morning. 


As they say, Once a person has made a mark in your hearts, replacing them would be the hardest thing that one can ever do in their life time. Therefore, take care of your partner as much as you can and do everything in your power to give the happiness that you both deserve. 

 

 

 

Exploring

it really is somewhat, very amusing to learn so many things in an
entirely new level. the feeling is somewhat extraordinary...but yet
again, you just can't help but wonder...

what if there is that one certain thing that would hold you back,
would you want to be dragged down or swim against the tide?


I am pretty much hoping that I wont be faced with that certain dilemma
soon or else my world would come crumble down and break my heart to a
million pieces.

*things that can really ruin your life are the things that you least
expect them to be. such a shame they have to be called humans for
CRYING OUT LOUD! :'(

Exploring

it really is somewhat, very amusing to learn so many things in an
entirely new level. the feeling is somewhat extraordinary...but yet
again, you just can't help but wonder...

what if there is that one certain thing that would hold you back,
would you want to be dragged down or swim against the tide?

I am pretty much hoping that I wont be faced with that certain dilemma
soon or else my world would come crumble down and break my heart to a
million pieces.

*things that can really ruin your life are the things that you least
expect them to be. such a shame they have to be called humans for
CRYING OUT LOUD! :'(

3 More Days

How can I make the last 3 days of my stay here at home worthwhile? 

Would it be nice if I can do something that could somehow make me think about the place where I am going and not the place the I left?

Weew!

I am starting 2011 with one great big foot after another. To be fully honest, I am still in the state of shock right now. I can't believe that the first thing on my list of things to do this year has already been accomplished--and it's only the 5th day of the year. How cool is that?

I landed a job this afternoon and believe me, the hunger that I felt while waiting for my test results and talking it out with the HR people really paid off. My immediate reactions after signing my contracts was to go home and take a good rest--after I read the entire envelope filled with lots of papers that I have signed earlier.

*sigh*

The thought of finally leaving this Island makes me wonder...will I ever make it out there on my own? Will I survive a new urban jungle that has been a part of my history, my blood and my culture? Will I be able to keep up with the fast-paced demands of a new environment? Will I still be ME?

There are a lot of questions boggling my mind as of the moment, as well as thoughts of going out to see the world and meeting new people and exploring new places--and the thought that I would have to leave virtual reality in exchange for something that I have been craving for in the past few years of my life.

The thought of just being out there excites me in every possible way and I can't help but be anxious about it. I know it's going to be tough, but this is what I wanted--and now I got it, might as well take advantage of it. The first bite at the apple is always the sweetest--but as it taste bitter until the end, then the most exciting part comes in and that is throwing what's left of the apple and be happy that you ate the whole thing!

Woohoo! Cebu, here I come. Negros, I am going to miss you. Be back after 6 months for the grand reunion and the big wedding and of course, our birthdays. Could this year get any better or what?! :)

THIS IS NOT A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

May I repeat, THIS IS NOT MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION(s). These are just some of the things that I am most probably going to do in the next couple of months. 

1. Land a Job and earn some moolah! It's about time that I go back to work and make myself happy. 

2. Unwind. I would like to travel to the neighboring islands, thanks; and if there would be anyone interested to sponsor me in my endeavor, your help would be willingly accepted. ^_^

3. Learn new things. I have no plans of going back to school nor attend short-courses or crash courses or anything. I just want to see the world from another perspective. Explore and enjoy life. 

4. Finding something better than Candy. I hate to break it to you, but I don't like the thought of sucking up on candies instead of puffing cigarettes. I am diabetic, please; spare me the ant chasing drama.

5. Finding something better than Cigarettes. I have to find something soon or else I am toast! I have to lay-off from the cigs and find something that would divert my attention from its tempting fumes of smoke. Lord, Help me!

6. Get a new phone before my birthday. It's a personal thing; don't get me wrong, OK?

7. Get myself a laptop. It's probably one of the things that would really help me out in one way or another. I can tell that it's more like a need than a want. 

8. Earn my FREEDOM and INDEPENDENCE. This is somewhat complicated but I am pretty sure that I would be able to find something that would help me achieve this. It's worth the try, even though the thought makes me shiver. haha. :P

9. Find a partner. I sound so silly right now, reading this while I type it in; just a couple of hours ago, I told one my closest friends that I don't need a partner to be able to live my life. But somehow, having none is way too boring. I would love to have a partner to spice things up a bit too. I need to play around some time as well, you know. I am human and I cannot deprive myself from these things. I need to live, baby! :P

10. To LOVE even more. I loved so many people back in 2010 and I am going to love even more people this year! yeah! I LOVE YOU! mwah! hahahahahaha.xD

What I Think About NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

First and foremost, I think it's fake; and this post here is the most childish post that I would ever post on this blog. 

Ok, let me start. 

Ever since I was a kid, I would write down on a piece of paper the things that I would like to change every 1st of the year. One reason that FORCES me to write those things down that they call NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION is that it's the first thing out teachers back then in grade school would ask us the day that we came back from the holidays. 

I don't know why it's very important for them to have resolutions when they know themselves that they won't be able to materialize them in the first place. 

If there is one thing that you would want to change for people to call you a better person, it's not about a long list of stuff that you can possibly do on a piece of paper; it's not about being who they want you to be; it's about you becoming who you are in the most possible way ever. 

Others say that your NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS are somewhat your guide to attaining the best results to the changes that you want to bring forth to your life. But, it has always been our human nature to somehow steer away from the right track and achieve things the hard way rather than achieving them using shortcuts--of which, I think are your NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you always end up crushing down those things in the list one after the other because you just can't do it.

And funny thing is, people take those resolutions seriously that by the end of the day, they'll just forget about it and start out on a new list--and the cycle repeats itself and it's dumb. Correct me if I am wrong, but you yourself know that this happens almost every year every time you try to follow your resolutions, right?

So, a piece of advice from a person like me--a pessimist like me who gets his way around things his way--stop fooling yourself. NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS are just disturbances to your life. We all know that life plays its own game on us by it's own rules and we are just in it for the ride. As much as possible, do the best that you can to RIDE and PLAY life's game your way. It's not about getting there, it's about how you get there. So, if ever there is a possibility that you can stop fooling yourself and act like a kid, then do it now. 

The world isn't going to stop turning just because you did something wrong and you want to go back and correct it; it's going to continuously turn and move on and would bring you something new everyday. Life sometimes is unfair; but we have to try our best to even things up a bit and make something worthy out of it. 

You don't have to pretend and make yourself believe that everyday would be a fine day. Storms are always there to haunt us, to challenge us and to bring out the most in us; starting today, STOP ACTING LIKE A KID and GROW UP. It's your call to make your life colorful and have butterflies fly around it.

It's 2011. Let's make it worthy enough to be a new year. 

2011

Weew! How time flies. One minute, I was blowing the holiday horns and then, its 1/1/11. I can't believe that it's officially 2011. It's a new year and it's a sign for better things to come. Well, actually, I don't know if there are good things to come my way, but I am certain that somehow, I will enjoy this year as much as I enjoyed 2010. 

The Quadrro Uno is somewhat significant for me other than IT being day 1 of 2011. 

First and foremost, there are certain things that I would like to jot down here and I would mark them special in any way possible. Further, I would like to share to everyone that this year is going to be the most special year of my life--ditch the bad (hair) days and the downs, because this year is the year where my life makes a permanent turn.

This year, I am turning 23. As far as I can remember, I have made a couple of promises back then that by the time I reach 23 (or I'd rather call it the "point of maturity"), I would be able to achieve some of the things that I want to do in my life.

One of those "things" that I would like to somehow change is me being a smoker. I don't have any issues with that matter and I am not joining any movement or whatsoever banning smoking and promoting a better atmosphere. I have been a smoker for several years now, and believe me, its hard to quit than it looks like. I have promised to myself (in front of my friends) that I would quit smoking the day that I turn 23. But to tell you honestly, I am having no improvements at all. It seems that I am really attached to smoking and no matter what I do, I just can't seem to let go of it.

I know, I am hooked; addicted to the most popular vice in the world. And I can't help it, I am just human; and it goes perfectly well with a hot cup of coffee--especially when I am really stressed out or when I am nervous or when I am anxious about something big that is coming my way. I know, it's really a bad habit that I have inculcated in my system but since it's a promise, I would have to stand up to it. 

I have 6 months and 22 days to accomplish this "mission" and I am looking forward to a successful accomplishment. I know it's going to be tough, but I have to face it and be done with it; and take note, this is not a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION. This is something more important than that. This is a personal battle that I would have to put an end soon. Wish me luck everyone. *crossing fingers*

PS.

On the day that I'll turn 23, I would give you an update to this post.