My first Mail Post!

I really wanted to try mobile blogging but there is something wrong with my phone (settings) and I can't send a single MMS. Funny, because I can browse the web using this God-forsaken phone but nevertheless, good thing mail blogging is here to save the day. :)

I hope this works! :)

Merry-Making!

Although Christmas is over, New year is on it's way. I don't know if I am really up for merry-making but I think, I would have to make the most out of what I can contribute to end the celebration successfully.

One of the things that somehow bothers me is my uncertain future. Honestly, I really need to land a job soon, or its the dumps for me since I still don't have any future plans on going back to school and finish my degree. Yes, to those who don't know yet, I am an undergraduate of my degree in Mass Communication; I am currently on my 3rd year and; Yes, I still don't have any plans of going back to that wretched school that I attended to. 

There are a couple of things that I really need as of the moment--that would somehow help me keep up with the things that I am involved with online--and there is no doubt that the only way I can "HAVE" them is by landing a job somewhere. 

Honestly, I don't care whether Fate will throw me off the island or bring me somewhere else in the island; all I care about is to get a job and earn some cash and maybe--JUST MAYBE--I would go back to school and get that damn diploma. There really is a big difference when you get a diploma and land a decent job somewhere than just getting a job without one.

From the way I see it, it somehow makes you feel proud to be IN that job with a diploma at hand rather than being there because you are just too qualified for it. 

There are times as well that I feel so frustrated and disappointed with myself for the fact that I am just not that good enough--even though I know, I can do it. 

Am I talking to myself again?

Therefore, I conclude, I shall fly come January--whatever it takes!

Christmas

I know, we had fun. We exchanged gifts and all that, we ate food that were so mouth-watering and we just spent the night away laughing ourselves out from the gifts that we got from each other; not that the gifts were somehow cheap or what, but it's the way we wrapped them that made it interesting. 

I know, it was not good to take revenge on people, but hey! It somehow pays off to let them know how we felt when they packed their gifts with dried up banana leaves, stones, stripped newspapers, empty body spray cans, and so on; at least they felt the fury of revenge. nyahaha. :P

Going back, I still think it was a fun-filled Christmas day; although there was one thing that I was sad about and that is leaving Ben Simon out of the party. It's sad that he is no longer here with us but wherever he may be, I know he is in a happy place.

Other than that, I was sad that I didn't actually get what I wanted for Christmas. I know it was too much to ask but I was just hoping that somehow, it would be given to me by any chance. Well, I guess it's about time that I believe in the saying: "you don't always get what you want..." no matter how hard you try just to get it. 

There are certain things in life that we should be focusing on instead of the things that we always want. Somehow, Someday it will be given to us in the most unexpected circumstances and in the oddest way possible; that way, we are taken aback, surprised, and most of all, we feel thankful to God who gives us everything we need--in times that we really need it the most. 

So, though my wish was not granted this year, there is always next year to look forward to. Though I am a bit shattered with all the false hopes and dreams, I am still very eager to look forward to my uncertain future because I know, I still have the people with me who will be tagging along my journey next year and I know I can trust on them. They may never come close to loving me the way that I wanted someone to, at least, they love me just  the way I want them to. 

Epic Fail

One more day, and Christmas is finally here; but mind if I ask why people are so excited about Christmas when there is nothing to be excited about?

I am not being offensive, I am not being rude; It's just that, I am not totally excited about the whole Christmas-y thing. No offense Baby Jesus, but really, with everything that is going on around us and the ongoing crisis still raging, I don't think throwing a Christmas party would alleviate everyone's stresses about the whole fiasco of poverty and the likes. 

Anyways, I am not here to post about NOT being excited about Christmas. I am here to post some of the EPIC FAILS that I have done for the past few weeks that I have been gone that somehow made me laugh and think things over in a more serious way of which I can't believe myself that I ever did them.

1. Not being myself. I was forced to become someone else and that is becoming OUR VERY OWN HOUSE HELP. I know there are certain personal obligations that we must fulfill, given that we are still under the roof of our 'rents protections. But overdoing it and going overboard somehow makes me look down on myself and somewhat give up the fight that I have been fighting for all this time and that is gaining my freedom. I don't know if there is anything I can do with it but by the looks of it, I know my time is coming soon--my time to be set free, that is--and I know I would have to face reality (but never back-out of course) and embrace the heartaches and sorrows that the world has to offer.

But of course, I would not allow those "heartaches and sorrows" devour me at some point because I still have a lot of things to do in my life and I want to do them all and experience them first hand. 

2. I somehow made a promise that I would complete the entire 9 Mornings or Simbang Gabi (Misa De Gallo) but I failed. I wasn't able to attend 3 (three) meetings and it sucks. Nevertheless, I was not going to church for the wish. I just want to complete the whole 9 Mornings--which I failed to do and would have to wait until next year to pay back. Ungh! What a disappointment. 

Today is the last day and I am going to make it--I swear!

3. I failed to pass the final interview of the Convergyz job fair. Yep! I flunked the final interview portion. I stuttered and went A-Mock and my answers were getting crazy, one after the other. But, I don't regret anything because I have failed to pass the interview. I was somehow happy that I have made it that far. It's not everyday that you go and expose yourself to job fairs like that; and it's not everyday that you have to go out and hunt for jobs.

It's also one of the ways that God tells us that we can't have everything that we want; but I clearly don't understand why up until now, I still don't have a partner. I don't believe that I have a calling to become a priest because I am the least person that anyone can expect to surrender myself in to the men of the calling and be one of them. The thought of them makes me shriek--and laugh at the thought of myself being a priest and spreading the word of God. It's not that I don't have respect for them or anything; its just that, I can't imagine myself wearing a priest costume and standing in front of a large crowd on Sundays and preaching the word of God. Like that is going to happen! haha. 

Back to Basics

Starting officially yesterday, I went back to writing my thoughts down on a notebook. Most of the time, when I am sitting in front of the PC already, I tend to go blank--as what I have repeatedly mentioned in some of my posts here. When I am alone, staring blankly at nothing, my thoughts just wanders off like the river and disappears into the great big blue. 

Of course, I would still update this blog every now and then to share some of my obscene thoughts of my daily agendas. 

One of the reasons why I went back to writing on a notebook--rather, journal--is because I don't want to lose my ingenious thoughts to nothing. There were a lot of instances wherein my brain went beyond of its comfort zone and I did nothing to jot them down whatsoever. Thus, I have decided to keep a notebook handy so that when my brain is in its peak of intelligence, I can write that thought down and never lose it in the air. 

Also, I was inspired to go back to "journaling" again after reading a full-spread about it in one of the Kris Magazines that ate has. It says that "blogging" is a lot more different than journaling. 

Blogging makes you write stuff focusing on a specific audience (if there is one) and that you have to, somehow, limit your thoughts to a certain level wherein you have to entertain your readers in one way or another; while

Journaling on the other hand is more personal. One can let his guard down and be one with himself. When one is writing on a journal, he can be himself totally without keeping in mind the possible readers that could somehow catch a glimpse of his life through his write-ups being shared to millions around the world. 

In fact, I agree to that opinion. It is a lot different when one is blogging online. Sure, it comes with incentives like being able to jot down thoughts a lot faster with the help of the keyboard and ditch the painful scribbling on paper as well as being able to publish your write-ups like it really is a book, reaching out to thousands of aspiring writers and journalists out there. 

Journaling on the other hand is somewhat personal--really. Your journal is your doorway to your very own soul. Your journal is your own personal trunk of memories that in the near future, can somehow make you smile and relieve yourself from the stressful and tiring labyrinth-like adventures of life. When one writes down on a journal, he/she can be him/herself without the actual remorse of being able to say something stupid online where there are thousands of people trying to be themselves as well. 

I have had my own share of having a journal in the past but somehow, I always come down to a point where I would lose the gusto to write on it and end up losing the notebook that on the latter, would make me start all over again. But nevertheless, I am no newbie when it comes to journaling. 

This time, I would like to start all over again--and somehow, in the future, would end in a conclusion that would make me totally feel satisfied with what I have done for the past 22 years of my existence here on Earth--and counting. 

Actually, I don't feel that both blogging and journaling differ from each other--from my perspective that is. When I write something down, I become who I really am inside, not afraid of anything else in this world and be free to express myself in ways that seems right to me. 

Journaling to me is like going back to basics. Writing down on a piece of paper using a pen and sharing your thoughts to yourself and learn from them in the most possible way--same thing as blogging; you share your thoughts to yourself but, there are others who also wants to share a little bit of what they think which will somehow help you improve and achieve your goals in a different light.

And that is just it... 

The 100th post!

I was really thinking of postings something really special for my 100th post on this blog as a way to celebrate my efforts on trying to update this blog as much as possible as I can. Sad to say, whenever I am faced with this blank page here, I somehow end up going black--as always. Thus, I promised myself to bid my time until I can finally find something really good to post here--something that should be memorable and special. 

This afternoon, I found my old shoe box where I stuffed some of my old things in--from broken down earphones, to cellphone and laptop brochures, to perfect exam papers and some other old stuff--I found a paper and written on it was a poem that I was able to write down during one of my boring days back in college.

The poem was about little boys and girls and their daily routines. I laughed when I read out the poem; I wasn't really expecting to find it in the shoe box, but I did anyway, and I thought that the poem was the perfect blog post to mark my 100th post here. In the next few paragraphs is going to be the poem itself. Mind me if my poem is a little bit childish; anyways, its about kids and what they really are anyway so I don't think you would mind going back to your childhood days. 


Here is the Poem...

--------------------------------------------

Little Boys and Girls

Rugged shirts and rugged shorts

little sniffs, little snorts

untidy hair, bruised elbows

tiny little fingers, tiny little toes

Skippydee-skip, hoppydee-hop

down-up, down-up,

blue hat, jumpy shoes

Get set, ready! It's time for some Juice!

Pony-tailed hairs with colorful ribbons, 

tiny little socks a size of mittens

Dazzling little eyes, puckered-up lips

depicts the face that launched a thousand ships

Sweet tempting scent, charming little smile

dashing pink dresses look awesome in a pile

Pick one, Pick one, pick! pick! pick!

let's not delay, let's make it quick

Tiny little boys, Tiny little girls

cropped up in a huddle with a bag full of curls

play with their toys, oh lovely rowdy boys

playing with dolls, oh lovely sweet lil' girls

All day long they rough up and play

they all get tired after without any dismay

Tiny little boys, Tiny little girls

sleep soundly at night as they snore.

--------------------------------------------

That's it. That is my self-written poem as a result of boredom back in the days. Now, why is it special to me?

Well, being a kid is one of the best things that ever happens to a human being. Growing up, they think nothing but playing all day with their friends, no problems, no fuss, just pure blissful fun with each other's company. I miss those days where all I think about is playing all day and nothing else. 

This poem, after reading it, makes me want to turn the hands of time and go back to my childhood years and play all day thinking about nothing but having a good time with the people who I call friends. 

From another reader's opinion, this post means nothing at all; it's just a poem about little girls and boys. But if they read between the lines, one can see the thousand possibilities of being human in the most inexpensive way with no feeling of remorse or anything at all. 

Happy 100th post blog! It's 100 and counting... :)

Share

Its been merely two hours since I woke up and man, I feel so doozy! I slept around 5am and...I feel like I am floating in the clouds right now!

Another December-titled post!

Everyday, when I go online and check things out, I always end up being emotional because of my friends’ activities.

When I scroll down, a friend recently uploaded pictures of their latest outdoor expedition with their families. Further I scrolling down, a friend of mine went to a party with a couple of people I know. Even further down, a friend is exalting her feelings high to the heavens because finally, she got what she wanted after a year of hard-work and dedication to the job that she’s in, even though she despises getting calls from people who are stubborn and shallow-minded because she has no choice but to help them in one way or another.

Browsing furthermore down my news feed, people are changing their profile pictures every 30 minutes, as if the world would end the next minute. Even more further down the timeline, someone posted in her blog about how excited and at the same time dreading or rather, agitated she is for the fact that in a couple of months, she would have to face reality and forget all about the princess stuff that makes her what she is.

Another friend of mine posted about a recently concluded week-long celebration of our school’s founding week that ended with a glittering show of fireworks that somehow, from her point of view, was dedicated to all the students in the university as a sign of recognition for their efforts to make the celebration fruitful etcetera, etcetera, blah, blah, blah!

So, what is my point? Nothing actually; it’s just that most of the people that I know are off to somewhere else, having the time of their lives while I am stuck here doing nothing but stare at the farthest distant point that my bare eyes could see.

Well, I have one message to all my friends out there…

Wherever you may be, whatever you may do, no matter what challenge this harsh world has to offer, remember one thing; always be happy with what you and what you have at the moment and savor every single second of it as you may never get another shot at it and you may just end up sitting at one corner, regretting everything and thinking about the what IF’s and everything else in between.

No matter what happens, always remember that the most important mission in your life is making someone happy every single day that you are alive—even if that somebody is yourself! A simple smile, the slightest gesture of recognition towards another, the sympathy and the acceptance of the revelation of events, could bring about certain changes in each and everyone’s life around you in one way or another.

If you want change, begin that by changing yourself; become that person that you want to be and bring out the best in whatever you may have may it be in your prime or your lowest times.

Life is in a constant change—and so should we. :)

Lost for Words…or so I think!

Everytime I go offline, my brain somehow seems to work beyond its capacity of being able to think things over and trying to come up with the best solutions to the multitude of problems (or so I think it is) in my life. But, when the time comes that I am able to go online and just a matter of clicks away from my blog to post the ideas that I have in my mind, I tend to go blank!

I don’t know if it’s somehow a habit of mine that I have developed in the past few years, probably in the course of spending my afternoons just staring at nothing and contemplating on the things that could have been if I haven’t made such decisions in my life that could have changed the way I look at things.

Even from my choice of words, you can tell that somehow, my brain is in a constant struggle as to how to express myself freely in a way that I would be ME and not somebody else.

Is it just me or am I really trying to become somebody I am not? Everytime I post something up my blog, it’s always about how miserable my life is and that somehow my situation is somewhat hopeless from the way I see it and sometimes, I find it boring to post the same things over and over again without making any slightest improvement at all.

To tell you honestly, I am just bidding my time. I am utterly bored with my life as of the moment but mind you, I do have plans in the future and at this point of my life, I won’t let anything stand in my way. I would do everything in my power to turn my plans into a realization and I would enjoy every minute of it—once I get to the point where I can truly say that there is no turning back.

But until that day comes, I would have to bare all the boring-ness that surrounds me and that I would have to come up with something different each and every passing to somehow ease the pain that I am bringing along with me as I struggle life in the dullest way that mankind has ever known! *sigh*

Finally!

Ever since I fancied long-haired people—not necessarily girls for that matter—I always grow my hair to a length that my family members somehow disapprove to the idea of me having my locks grown so lengthy. I remember, I was only able to grow my hair up to shoulder length when I was on my freshman year in college.

Sad thing was, I had to cut it down to a crew cut because I had ROTC then. But it was just a waste of time since I quit after the first day of training. Why? I would have to admit I was so naïve back then. Everytime I do something wrong, I would break down and cry. But before I actually cry, I hide the “wrong” things that I did from them (my family) and wait for them to find out for themselves what those things are; and that is the time that I would cry.

Anyways, going back; the main reason why I quit ROTC was because I lost my first phone ever. It was snatched from me and there was nothing I can do about it. So yeah, that’s why it was useless to cut my hair down because I had to quit and I quitted because I lost my phone—on the first day of ROTC training.

I know it sounds so pathetic but, hey! I was young back then. I felt rebellious towards the things that makes my life even more miserable than it already is—and still, up until now, I hate those instances wherein something gets in my way and I feel totally rebellious about it that at times, I would just have to ignore it to get rid of it—the one thing that I never regretted learning from all of the mistakes I have done, ignoring things that gets in the way and go on with life before it was messed up.

Oh my, I am blabbing again!!

Anyways, I am not posting this because of that stupid training or losing my phone or because of my life getting messed up. It’s totally the other way around.

This morning, when I got home from the city after sending my cousin to the airport, my father asked me—more like demanded me to have my hair cut off because from their point of view, I look like a military rebel. Why did they think of that? Because my hair was sticking out in all directions! I have to admit, the one thing I hate about my hair is that they can’t seem to be controlled. When I wake up in the morning and face the mirror, I am always in a shock of my life.

Going back, I answered my father back that I would be happy if they would just lay-off with the whole haircut thing because as far as I can remember, my hair are not snakes like medusa’s and they don’t have a life of their own and my hair is just minding its own business, busying itself to grow fast enough before my brothers come to their senses again and start nagging to me and try to reel me in to cutting my hair off.

But I was in the shock of my life when my 2^nd eldest brother came in the kitchen doors (and sounded in a not-so-approving-voice-but-had-no-choice kind of voice) and told my dad to lay me off.

I got the impression that he was just making that one up. First, he is one of the few people in my household that utterly despises how I look with my long hair; and Second, he usually is the first person to tell me off to go have my hair cut—even when they are still 3” tall. I waited for a couple of minutes when the conversation when to a pause because he might take back what he said and would ask me right then and there to have my hair cut or else he will cut it himself—but he didn’t make any more remarks about it.

One thing that I liked about what he said was he told my father to lay me off because I was old enough to make my own decisions. Inside, I could have sworn to answer back: “its about time…”.

I mean, for crying out loud! For the past 22 years of my life, I have done everything that they have asked me and never even listened to anything that I say or ask of them. Somehow, deep inside my guts, I am happy that they have finally realized that I am somehow capable of making my own decisions—whether they were stupid enough to make me fall to my knees and beg them to help me out or wise ones that I could benefit from.

Right now, I am happy about two things. One is that I can finally grow my hair to the length I want—I know, its childish but let me be—and the thought of my family members realizing that I am old enough to make my own decisions, no matter what the outcome may be. Hmpf…does that mean I can get another tattoo? *just kidding!*


*ROTC- Reserved Officer's Training Corps.

December...

As I have read blogs from the people I know by heart, most of them said that it is the time of the year that we are to think over the things that we have done for the past few months and somehow come up with realizations as to how we did it, how we learned from it, how we cope up with everything else and start a new list of things to look forward to the next year--and most probably, new things to ponder on and again, modify the year after next and so on.

As one of the blogger's blogs that I have read implied, once you get caught up to a routine that you are most likely to be in anyway, you can never escape the fact that it bores you and you have to do something to escape that norm and break the monotony of things in one way or another. 

But that is just it. That is the main problem with me. I don't know why its so easy for others to get their way while I find it the hardest just to even have privacy? Sometimes, I feel so jealous about them--being able to go to places with their buddies and stuff, being able to do the things they want and get away with it and just be themselves for all its worth. 

I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't even have the slightest idea as how to fix it, if ever it can still be fixed. 

A minor interruption: as of the moment, I am chatting with a friend of mine who hasn't chatted with me for quite some time now, even though he is always online. ANOTHER ONE called me just a couple of seconds ago asking IF I was still alive and breathing! Isn't it annoying when people are like this? They pop out when you least expect them and when the time comes that you really need someone to talk to, they are nowhere to be found! gawd!

Anyways, as I have repeatedly and redundantly mentioned over and over again, my life is like a test paper filled with so much questions--but in this case, an answer sheet is unavailable. I don't know where to start or how to pick up the pieces. 

All I know is that I won't allow 2011 to pass by without giving me an answer to at least one of my questions. If I still fail in doing that, then I don't know what else to do.

And Again, A new Template

I would like to apologize that I had to change my template again. The reason why is that I want a uniform template with all of my existing blogs here on blogger and the chosen template is this one. 

Its more crisp, less details, clean and and top of that, I like it. :P

Happy Birthday Lolo Ben.

Happy Birthday to one of the most awesome people that I have met in my entire Life. May you be resting peacefully now in Heaven and that you are happily together with lola. We all miss you both very much!! 

Forever In my Life (lyrics)

Uhoh Yeah Yeahhh Ohh


The Way Your Part Of me,
I Would have to re-learn everything,
If You were to leave,
So fast you make me feel like was autumn Leaves,
And honestly..There a perfect explination
Why you feel so good to say that your


Chorous:
My love,my love,my love
i´ll give you all my love if you,if you,
if you dont change a thing,
About the way you hold me everynight,
so right, i wanna man like you forever in my life.


Im a Stick inside a jar,
turn the lid and set me free,
I Love Everything that you are,
has a million other reasons,
But lets not go to far,
Stay,close to my heart,
When I think about the future,
i am right there where you are,
Cuz you´re...


Chorous:
My love,my love,my love
i´ll give you all my love if you,if you,
if you dont change a thing,
About the way you hold me everynight,
so right, i wanna man like you to say you´re,


My love,my love,my love
i´ll give you all my love if you,if you,
if you dont change a thing,
About the way you hold me everynight,
so right, i wanna man like you forever in my life.


I know,that you,would never leave me hanging,
Hanging out to dry in the wind,
I know that we haven´t seen the worst ofit,
But when we do,i promise you we´ll stick it out together.


Chorous 2x :
My love,my love,my love
i´ll give you all my love if you,if you,
if you dont change a thing,
About the way you hold me everynight,
so right, i wanna man like you forever in my life.


so right, i wanna man like you forever in my lifeeeeee(...)


MORE LYRICS at eLyrics World! :)


PS.
I posted the lyrics here on my blog so that I Won't lose it. :) I am currently addicted to the song thanks to Ms. Aloha Indab who posted this up on her Facebook wall. :)

New Template

I have decided to change the look of my blog as it looked really cranky and I just don't like the color scheme any more. 

One thing I loved about the new template is that it's really colorful and that there are colored pencil tips right where the navbar is supposed to be--I edited the template and the navbar is visible again, thank gawd for that. I don't know what to do without the Navbar. 

Another is that I love the post text background of the template. It's paper. It makes me feel like I am really scribbling my post with pen on paper and that is really cute. Isn't it? hehe. What else is there to love about this  new template of mine? Oh yeah, I am loving the font family of the entire template. Though there is one down-side about the template and that is the Italicization of the sidebar widgets/boxes as well as the very light color of the labels and archive texts whatever. But nevertheless, everything works just fine--everything is perfect. hehe.

FLASHBACK...

Last night, I said I was going to post something but yet when I logged in today, I totally forgot what the story was going to be about so I'll log-off in a bit and I will try to remember what story I was going to tell you guys before I would actually catch an amnesia or something... :P

I was going to pick-up a package today. But it slipped my mind and it rained this morning so the agenda was cancelled. I was going to pick up the headphones that I ordered from eBay but things went out of hand so I have to do it tomorrow. 

I missed listening to Asian songs so, when I woke up this morning, I turned my phone up in full volume and plugged my earphones on and listened to the entire list of Korean songs that I have in my phone. I know, its silly but who cares? :P

PS.

I'll be back later tonight and post something up. :)

December!

Oh my, how time fly so quickly. It's December, already? The calendar must be joking (hopefully) but its not. 

I want to blog some more so badly but I can't. My head is about to crack...so I have to reserve my story for tomorrow then. 

Anyways, Merry Christmas! The Countdown begins NOW! :)