Everytime I go offline, my brain somehow seems to work beyond its capacity of being able to think things over and trying to come up with the best solutions to the multitude of problems (or so I think it is) in my life. But, when the time comes that I am able to go online and just a matter of clicks away from my blog to post the ideas that I have in my mind, I tend to go blank!
I don’t know if it’s somehow a habit of mine that I have developed in the past few years, probably in the course of spending my afternoons just staring at nothing and contemplating on the things that could have been if I haven’t made such decisions in my life that could have changed the way I look at things.
Even from my choice of words, you can tell that somehow, my brain is in a constant struggle as to how to express myself freely in a way that I would be ME and not somebody else.
Is it just me or am I really trying to become somebody I am not? Everytime I post something up my blog, it’s always about how miserable my life is and that somehow my situation is somewhat hopeless from the way I see it and sometimes, I find it boring to post the same things over and over again without making any slightest improvement at all.
To tell you honestly, I am just bidding my time. I am utterly bored with my life as of the moment but mind you, I do have plans in the future and at this point of my life, I won’t let anything stand in my way. I would do everything in my power to turn my plans into a realization and I would enjoy every minute of it—once I get to the point where I can truly say that there is no turning back.
But until that day comes, I would have to bare all the boring-ness that surrounds me and that I would have to come up with something different each and every passing to somehow ease the pain that I am bringing along with me as I struggle life in the dullest way that mankind has ever known! *sigh*
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