This post is dedicated to Aian Ross Gargantiel.
I didn't make even the slightest effort to go the job fair. Why? Because I am intimidated; intimidated of the people whom I know who are pretty much better than I am. There are several things as well behind the intimidation.
One of which is that I lack confidence in myself. Confidence in a way that I feel that I am pretty much an inferior to everyone in the world. Maybe, I was meant to have a life living in the slums and never get to see and feel how the spot light turns everyone into bubble-heads.
One of which is that I lack confidence in myself. Confidence in a way that I feel that I am pretty much an inferior to everyone in the world. Maybe, I was meant to have a life living in the slums and never get to see and feel how the spot light turns everyone into bubble-heads.
Another is Intimidation or me being intimidated itself. I don't know. Maybe, I just think too negatively and that I feel that the world doesn't even want me around in the first place. I mean, I know I am not the only in the world who feels the same and I know I am even blessed to have the life that I have now. But, there are certain things that you just can't explain and that no matter what you do, nothing would happen anyway--in one way or another.
Seriously, I don't even know where I am going to end up in this world nor when will my life reach the "dead end". To be fully honest, I am both HAPPY and UNHAPPY with my life as of the moment; Do you know why yanz? Ok, let me break it down to you. (murag negra! :P)
** HAPPY because, in one way or another, I was able to know what it feels like to be working and having a job and earning money on my own.
** HAPPY because I was able to be myself "partially" while I am at work and that I enjoyed every bit of it.
** HAPPY because at some point, I was able to tell the difference between shit and crap--though they may sound alike, they still differ.
** HAPPY because I was able to be myself "partially" while I am at work and that I enjoyed every bit of it.
** HAPPY because at some point, I was able to tell the difference between shit and crap--though they may sound alike, they still differ.
** UNHAPPY because everytime I finally make a decision, I somehow end up doing things the other way around and sometimes, it makes me feel suck-y about it.
** UNHAPPY because everytime I promise someone something, I end up breaking that promise and it's really not healthy for me--and for the party involved.
** UNHAPPY because I am still stuck with my family, no matter what I try to do to be away from them. Other than that, they somehow still have control over me and I don't like it one single bit.
To be fully honest, I am envious of you and all the other people I know who get's the things that they want. I mean, things that they have somehow longed for doing and that they are able to get THEIR WAY. Do you get what I am saying?
INTELLIGENCE, CONFIDENCE, GUTS... I don't think I have these; and I am so hating it. Gawd, how I wish there was one way that I can just muster all my guts and brag about the level of intelligence that I have and be confident wherever I go.
I guess everything is only a matter of positivity and perseverance. Not to mention patience and everything else in between. *sigh* How I wish everything turns out my way or else I will have to hit the high way.
PS.
Sorry I posted a letter to you here on my blog. So far, Its the only way decent that I can think of that we both can communicate and understand each other very well. It would be pretty much awkward posting this one on Facebook--too lengthy. Oh, I also thought of sending this one to your mail--which you don't normally check and only contains notifications from Facebook which you hate a lot; and I can't translate this to a simple 15 paged text message. *sigh*
** UNHAPPY because everytime I promise someone something, I end up breaking that promise and it's really not healthy for me--and for the party involved.
** UNHAPPY because I am still stuck with my family, no matter what I try to do to be away from them. Other than that, they somehow still have control over me and I don't like it one single bit.
To be fully honest, I am envious of you and all the other people I know who get's the things that they want. I mean, things that they have somehow longed for doing and that they are able to get THEIR WAY. Do you get what I am saying?
INTELLIGENCE, CONFIDENCE, GUTS... I don't think I have these; and I am so hating it. Gawd, how I wish there was one way that I can just muster all my guts and brag about the level of intelligence that I have and be confident wherever I go.
I guess everything is only a matter of positivity and perseverance. Not to mention patience and everything else in between. *sigh* How I wish everything turns out my way or else I will have to hit the high way.
PS.
Sorry I posted a letter to you here on my blog. So far, Its the only way decent that I can think of that we both can communicate and understand each other very well. It would be pretty much awkward posting this one on Facebook--too lengthy. Oh, I also thought of sending this one to your mail--which you don't normally check and only contains notifications from Facebook which you hate a lot; and I can't translate this to a simple 15 paged text message. *sigh*
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment